Many Kids

As you know I put a lot of store on the impact of birth order on a child’s personality development (find out more).

But birth order doesn’t tell the total story.

Genetics plays a part. Natural talent and temperament is genetic.

Broad environmental factors including your neighbourhood and peer groups also play a part. A safe neighbourhood with plenty of child-friendly adults and positive peers are important for well-balanced development.

The family frame also plays a big part in what sort of adults your kids will become.

The family frame is the total family environment that kids experience. In many ways, the family frame is similar to the brand of a product or service. It is a reflection of how others perceive you and what you stand for as a family.

The following four aspects contribute to your family frame or brand:

The family atmosphere: What’s the atmosphere like in your family? Is it serious or is it fun? Is it a place where encouragement rules or is it a critical, negative place? Is the atmosphere terrific or toxic?  Is it a tense place where everyone walks on eggshells or is it a place were humour and relaxation are common? The atmosphere is about mood and mindset. You can impact on the atmosphere by consciously adopting the mood and mindset you want. If you want an upbeat atmosphere then you need to set the tone yourself…….. Shared values and attitudes: What behaviours do you value most highly? What type of kids are you trying to raise? To discover your shared values step back and look at what your kids have in common. If they are all independent, even your most dependent child, then independence is a family value. If all your kids are tolerant of others then tolerance is a family value. Values and attitude are both modeled and taught and reflect parental priorities. Parenting style: Your parenting style will influence the family frame. For instance, a permissive style, where anything goes, often produces a chaotic family style where respect for other is lacking. The preferred style that fits today is an authoritative style that is akin to a guided democracy or a benign dictatorship (find out more). Family rituals and traditions:  Rituals and traditions are those habitual, repeatable, unique behaviours that bring you together as a group and also identify you as a family.  They include mealtimes, celebrations, birthdays and other traditions that are unique to your family. Rituals not only anchor your kids to their family but they make quite a statement about what you value. My family, for instance, is BIG on noisy, all-in discussion type mealtimes which is reflective of our family as a place to speak out, but respect others at the same time. In many ways, rituals are rep[resentative of family-life.

So take a minute or two to reflect on your family frame. What are the values your kids have in common? Think about the rituals and traditions you are establishing. Reflect on your parenting style and that of your partner.  Think a little about the regular family atmosphere that exists.

These all make up your family brand and will leave a lasting impact on the type of adults your kids will become.

This blog supports WSOP

If you like to use a variety of printable charts for kids in your home to modify and encourage behavior, you know motivation is a huge issue. All children are different, of course, but here are three ideas I’ve used successfully with my four children to keep motivation high and results happening.

1. Keep it fun.

Depending upon what you’re trying to accomplish, you may be using printable reward charts, blank chore charts, or
printable behavior charts. The main point of keeping the whole process bubbling with a bit of fun is vital. Chances are whatever you are asking your child to accomplish is less than fun or you wouldn’t need a chart system to begin with!

– Use short-term rewards to teach about initiative and long-term rewards to teach about perseverance. Both are vital lessons and neither comes naturally. As your child develops good habits, short-term rewards can be decreased, but until then keep things lively and fun.

– Even chores can be turned into a game. Can one child go faster than the other? Set a timer for ten minutes; who can get done, correctly, in that amount of time? Add music, jokes, and encouragement to the mix.

2. Teamwork.

Most kids will more willingly cooperate when they’re working alongside someone else. That’s true for most adults, as well. Sure, your kids need to be able to do their assigned chores or work on their behaviors at any given time, but throwing some teamwork into the mix can really boost motivation. My young daughter is learning to play the keyboard. That involves daily practice and it is often boring. But more than just wanting her to learn and enjoy the musical experience (as wonderful as that is), she’ll never get there without learning the discipline of good daily habits. So after many years away from the piano, I am re-learning with her, including daily practice. It’s a lot more interesting to share our journey with each other and this technique results in a lot less nagging, too.

3. Put your charges in charge – a little bit.

Depending upon the ages of your children, help them learn about running a household by giving them the opportunity to be responsible for it from time to time. You set up the schedule for your own situation, get everything written on your printable charts so everyone knows what’s going on and when, and then have your children be in charge for a week here and there.

They’ll find it’s a much different game trying to manage the household than it is to just show up and take orders. Competing schedules, different personalities, and the realities of daily life is a great attitude adjustor for growing kids. Of course, you’ll need to help and guide them, depending upon their ages, and a child who tackles this project deserves a better reward than the one who just does his small share of the load.

Printable charts for kids are great tools when used effectively. Remember that keeping the process fun, employing teamwork and giving your kids a whiff of real responsibility can help keep the motivation high and the results coming in strong.

This blog supports WSOP